Cancer Is A Full Time Job

So my entire life now revolves around cancer and each day becomes a more in depth episode of of "TMI" on Maggie's daily symptoms and activities.  I have noticed that the conversations between me and my amazing husband get sexier and sexier with each passing day, how are my bowel movements, do I feel like I need to throw up, did I wake up with a hemorrhoid, etc., etc..  I know, right??  I am only 31 years old, I though these conversations with your significant other only happened when you are old, wrinkled and 90 but nope they happen when you have cancer.  I thought that having a baby and talking about baby poop all day made me have no shame, nope cancer definitely wins!!   I know that along with my wonderful husband and certain amazing friends and family members these conversations have come up to certain extents and I appreciate all of them as they listen contently while I bitch about the maladies that I encounter. Throughout these last five months I have really found an awesome support system and I love each and everyone of them dearly for it.  

My latest treatment last week went pretty good, I can't say that I love being cooped up in the hospital for 5 1/2 days.  Trust in me that it is no where near as exciting as a great five night, six day trip to the Bahamas you can win on The Price Is Right (I watch so much of The Price Is Right, in fact I watch it everyday) but the nursing staff and the doctors are amazing, they make sure that I am as comfortable as possible, even though it doesn't take much for that to happen right now and happy for that fact, just a pair of fuzzy socks and some comfy stretchy pants.  I don't yet need the massive pain killers or sleep aids that some need on the floor to live day to day, I am very lucky on that front and do not take that for granted.  Don and Sadie still gets to come up to the hospital each that I am there because he is still on paternity leave, he will be going back the middle of May.  I am not sure how I yet feel about that but I am sure it will be hard when the day comes when I am cooped up with no daily companion, but hey the man's gotta work!! 

Next up, the food, it isn't completely terrible but the variety is severely lacking through nutrition as they call it, one can only eat a chicken and cheese quesadilla so many times before you never want to see Mexican food again, just kidding, I could never hate Mexican food.  One of the good things about the food at The New James is that it is just like room service, you order and it gets delivered.  Three times a day I get to feel just like royalty when the very young (like 12 year old young) server brings it to me, it's like I am in the Dark Ages :).  One of the great things though about the James is that it has the only Au Bon Pain in I think the whole state and they have the best Peach Iced Tea, this is a luxury that I do indulge in on pretty much a daily basis.  I don't know what I am going to do when Don does go back to work, I may have to bribe one of the nurses to sneak down and get one for me each afternoon I am there.

Since getting released from my second treatment this past Saturday it has been going as good as it can be. The doctor/nurse decided to put me on a more strict anti-nausea medication regiment to get ahead of the nausea this time instead of waiting for it to happen.  Clearly, that did not work for me after the first round.  That is what I like about this new doctor, he doesn't pussyfoot around when something doesn't work, he moves forward to find something that will work.  I have had a few side effects with this last round of chemo, the main one being mouth sores, they are less than desirable and really not pleasant at all.  It pretty much feels like my entire mouth was scorched with boiling hot coffee and it hurts to brush my teeth because my gums hurt too.  With this happening, my entire sense of taste has been thrown off and almost everything tastes funny or not like it should.  This doesn't bode well for the appetite, food has really been set towards the back of my brain this week.  I really just eat things because I know I need to keep my strength up.  I know this doesn't seem like such a big deal but it just shows how much cancer rules my life.  I can even enjoy the food and drink that I have enjoyed for most of my life, I realize now how much I have taken great food and drink for granted.

There was another determination made by the doctor last week, it is one that I thought might be coming but until they actual said it I guess I could pretend that this all wasn't happening to a certain extent.  I am really sad to say that I will not be going back to work at the beginning of May like originally planned once my maternity leave is up.  After discussing with the doctor/nurse what my work environment is (hotel industry) they determined that the work environment would not be safe for my health or well-being at this time.  It has been decided that I will be out of work for the next year so that I can complete all of my chemo treatments and any additional that may be added on and also possible radiation and additional surgeries needed to get me back to good working order.  I know many of you must be thinking, "Alright, no work for a year that would be great!!".  I get it, no one actually wants to work but in my case I had finally found a great job at a great place with some of the greatest people I have ever met and now that has all been pulled out from under me.  It's not fair and I am sad and angry about it.  The last year and half had been the most fulfilling time in my career that I have ever had, I worked under and with some very talented people in the hospitality industry here in Columbus and had and was learning so much to further my career.  I am very appreciative that I was given the opportunity by two wonderful women who I look up to for so much in this industry, they gave me a great opportunity and I was able to expand my knowledge and talent working for them.  I was also able to make some really great friends, this is the sad part of not working. I will not get to see their faces on a daily basis and just have that every day contact that I learned to love so much!!  This is why I love these people so much!!!

So as I move forward in this journey I have a new full time job, Cancer and even more so BEATING Cancer! This next year I will focus on my treatments, this fight and Kicking Cancer Butt!!  I know it isn't the ideal way to spend a year of life, but this is the hand I have been dealt and I fully intend to make the most of it.  I will spend every day enjoying and loving my family, living each day to the best of my ability on that particular day and also paying it forward to others who may or may not be in the same situation or equally as crappy situation.  I will make the most of this and not take for granted the time that has been to me.  I know there are a lot of people who are in my situation who are not given the same opportunity, that being a chance to fight.  

I leave you with some words from an amazing song and amazing musician!


Well, I won't back down
No, I won't back down
You can stand me up at the gates of hell
But I won't back down

No, I'll stand my ground, won't be turned around
And I'll keep this world from draggin' me down
Gonna stand my ground and I won't back down

(I won't back down)
Hey baby, there ain't no easy way out
(I won't back down)
Hey, I will stand my ground and I won't back down

Well, I know what's right, I got just one life
In a world that keeps on pushin' me around
But I'll stand my ground and I won't back down

(I won't back down)
Hey baby, there ain't no easy way out
(I won't back down)
Hey, I will stand my ground
(I won't back down)
And I won't back down

(I won't back down)
Hey baby, there ain't no easy way out
(I won't back down)
Hey, I won't back down

(I won't back down)
Hey baby, there ain't no easy way out
(I won't back down)
Hey, I will stand my ground
(I won't back down)
And I won't back down
(I won't back down)
No, I won't back down


Songwriters: Lynne, Jeff / Petty, Tom

Everything All At Once

It has been about 2 months since my last post, but I assure you a ton has happened over this time.

First, we had the honor of welcoming Sadie Glenn Butler to our little family at 2:04pm on February 17, 2015.  She weighed in at 7lbs. 6ozs. and was 19 3/4" long.  Liam was super excited to meet his new little sister.  He is amazing with her.  

We were able to enjoy a few uninterrupted weeks with both of our kiddos before the world of cancer retook out lives.  My chemo treatments began on March 16th with a 3 day stay at The New James Cancer Hospital.  There were a lot of emotions that came along with these new treatments starting.  I was sad to have to be away from home and Don, Liam and Sadie for so much time.  I was scared about how I would react to these new chemo drugs and what they were going to do to me.  I was frustrated that this whole "cancer" thing was happening to me and that it was taking me away from my new little girl!!!  Not fair!!!

The first VAC treatment actually went pretty well while I was in the hospital.  Don and Sadie spent most of each day with me.  Liam is still going to his sitter's as planned, we are trying to keep day to day life as normal as possible for him.  He was excited to visit me in the evening, he especially like to ride the "alligator" (elevator) to come visit mommy.  He is too cute sometimes!!

I was released on Wednesday, April 18th at around 6pm.  I was able to get home and had a good day and half before the cancer side effects rears their ugly head.  Friday afternoon the nausea and vomiting began, this lasted for about a day and half before I had to make my first trip to the ER, I was subsequently admitted to the hospital to get some IV anti-nausea drugs and fluid for dehydration.  I was in for about 2 days and then released.  I was home for about a day and half before my body decided that is missed the hospital sooooo much.  I was getting into what they call the neutropenic time frame, this is the time in which my white blood cell counts will drop dramatically in response to the chemo treatments. During this time I am at a significant risk for infection and that is just what happened.  I came down with chills and a fever of 100.5 (this is the fever threshold for cancer patients).  I called into my doctor and was instructed to go directly to the ER because my white blood cell counts were most likely non-existent, which ended up being the case.  This earned me an extra 4 day stay in the hospital to get fluids and antibiotics to kill off whatever gave me the fever and chills.  Luckily, my white blood cell counts rebounded a little quicker than normal and I was able to go home that Saturday.  

I do want to take a moment and side track for a second.  During my unexpected stay I was able to connect with a good friend who unfortunately is going through her own fight with this ugly word we call cancer.  Since all of you have given me so much love and support, your thoughts and prayers over these last few months I would like to ask that you do the same for my friend Christy Selby.  She is a person I admire not only personally but professionally.  I was lucky enough to meet her early in my career as an event manager and work with her periodically over the last 4 years.  She is an amazing person and my most favorite meeting planner in the whole world :).  It is unfortunate that either of us have to fight with this terrible cancer but we are both super strong and fighters so I know that we are both going to battle and fight the best fight we can!  

Last week ended up being a really good week plus it was nice to be home with Don, Liam and Sadie for an extended period of time.  Hopefully I can have more good weeks than bad and stay out of the hospital as much as I can.  We were able to have a great Easter with my cousins here in Columbus this past Sunday because of my wonderful family.  They provided us the same food that they were going to be eating for Easter breakfast and since Easter breakfast is my favorite holiday meal it made the day so much better.  The kiddos, Liam and Vera had a great Easter egg hunt outside.  It was a beautiful spent outside for a good majority of the time.  I do wish we were able to go home but since my second treatment started the next day we didn't want to have to rush around to get back to Columbus.  

I think after everything above this now brings us to present day, I am currently at The New James going through my second of 14 treatments.  This round is the IE portion of the chemo.  I alternate between the VAC and the IE.  The IE treatment is much longer.  I am in for a total of 6 days for this one.  It is not going so bad, no significant side effects other than some heartburn and bloating from all of the fluids, I have gained 9lbs. in 3 days, not fair, but the doctors said that it would come off quickly once I was disconnected from the fluids.  The time is going by pretty quickly and I am able to sleep better this time around but I think it's because this cycle of chemo is making me a little more tired than that last.  The nurses and CPA are amazing and taking great are of me, Don, Liam and Sadie when they are here with me.  I can't say enough good things about The New James Cancer hospital other than it is a wonderful facility and that it is so close to home, I know many people here can't say the same but it has helped that I am not really that far from my family when they are not here with me.  

I promise to update way more often that the last two crazy months.  Now that we are in a decent routine (or as decent as it can be in this crappy situation) I feel like I have more time on my hands.

Like always, I leave you with this:

“You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have” – Cayla Mills

Oh and this, because I crack up every time I see it: