So my entire life now revolves around cancer and each day becomes a more in depth episode of of "TMI" on Maggie's daily symptoms and activities. I have noticed that the conversations between me and my amazing husband get sexier and sexier with each passing day, how are my bowel movements, do I feel like I need to throw up, did I wake up with a hemorrhoid, etc., etc.. I know, right?? I am only 31 years old, I though these conversations with your significant other only happened when you are old, wrinkled and 90 but nope they happen when you have cancer. I thought that having a baby and talking about baby poop all day made me have no shame, nope cancer definitely wins!! I know that along with my wonderful husband and certain amazing friends and family members these conversations have come up to certain extents and I appreciate all of them as they listen contently while I bitch about the maladies that I encounter. Throughout these last five months I have really found an awesome support system and I love each and everyone of them dearly for it.
My latest treatment last week went pretty good, I can't say that I love being cooped up in the hospital for 5 1/2 days. Trust in me that it is no where near as exciting as a great five night, six day trip to the Bahamas you can win on The Price Is Right (I watch so much of The Price Is Right, in fact I watch it everyday) but the nursing staff and the doctors are amazing, they make sure that I am as comfortable as possible, even though it doesn't take much for that to happen right now and happy for that fact, just a pair of fuzzy socks and some comfy stretchy pants. I don't yet need the massive pain killers or sleep aids that some need on the floor to live day to day, I am very lucky on that front and do not take that for granted. Don and Sadie still gets to come up to the hospital each that I am there because he is still on paternity leave, he will be going back the middle of May. I am not sure how I yet feel about that but I am sure it will be hard when the day comes when I am cooped up with no daily companion, but hey the man's gotta work!!
Next up, the food, it isn't completely terrible but the variety is severely lacking through nutrition as they call it, one can only eat a chicken and cheese quesadilla so many times before you never want to see Mexican food again, just kidding, I could never hate Mexican food. One of the good things about the food at The New James is that it is just like room service, you order and it gets delivered. Three times a day I get to feel just like royalty when the very young (like 12 year old young) server brings it to me, it's like I am in the Dark Ages :). One of the great things though about the James is that it has the only Au Bon Pain in I think the whole state and they have the best Peach Iced Tea, this is a luxury that I do indulge in on pretty much a daily basis. I don't know what I am going to do when Don does go back to work, I may have to bribe one of the nurses to sneak down and get one for me each afternoon I am there.
Since getting released from my second treatment this past Saturday it has been going as good as it can be. The doctor/nurse decided to put me on a more strict anti-nausea medication regiment to get ahead of the nausea this time instead of waiting for it to happen. Clearly, that did not work for me after the first round. That is what I like about this new doctor, he doesn't pussyfoot around when something doesn't work, he moves forward to find something that will work. I have had a few side effects with this last round of chemo, the main one being mouth sores, they are less than desirable and really not pleasant at all. It pretty much feels like my entire mouth was scorched with boiling hot coffee and it hurts to brush my teeth because my gums hurt too. With this happening, my entire sense of taste has been thrown off and almost everything tastes funny or not like it should. This doesn't bode well for the appetite, food has really been set towards the back of my brain this week. I really just eat things because I know I need to keep my strength up. I know this doesn't seem like such a big deal but it just shows how much cancer rules my life. I can even enjoy the food and drink that I have enjoyed for most of my life, I realize now how much I have taken great food and drink for granted.
There was another determination made by the doctor last week, it is one that I thought might be coming but until they actual said it I guess I could pretend that this all wasn't happening to a certain extent. I am really sad to say that I will not be going back to work at the beginning of May like originally planned once my maternity leave is up. After discussing with the doctor/nurse what my work environment is (hotel industry) they determined that the work environment would not be safe for my health or well-being at this time. It has been decided that I will be out of work for the next year so that I can complete all of my chemo treatments and any additional that may be added on and also possible radiation and additional surgeries needed to get me back to good working order. I know many of you must be thinking, "Alright, no work for a year that would be great!!". I get it, no one actually wants to work but in my case I had finally found a great job at a great place with some of the greatest people I have ever met and now that has all been pulled out from under me. It's not fair and I am sad and angry about it. The last year and half had been the most fulfilling time in my career that I have ever had, I worked under and with some very talented people in the hospitality industry here in Columbus and had and was learning so much to further my career. I am very appreciative that I was given the opportunity by two wonderful women who I look up to for so much in this industry, they gave me a great opportunity and I was able to expand my knowledge and talent working for them. I was also able to make some really great friends, this is the sad part of not working. I will not get to see their faces on a daily basis and just have that every day contact that I learned to love so much!! This is why I love these people so much!!!
So as I move forward in this journey I have a new full time job, Cancer and even more so BEATING Cancer! This next year I will focus on my treatments, this fight and Kicking Cancer Butt!! I know it isn't the ideal way to spend a year of life, but this is the hand I have been dealt and I fully intend to make the most of it. I will spend every day enjoying and loving my family, living each day to the best of my ability on that particular day and also paying it forward to others who may or may not be in the same situation or equally as crappy situation. I will make the most of this and not take for granted the time that has been to me. I know there are a lot of people who are in my situation who are not given the same opportunity, that being a chance to fight.
I leave you with some words from an amazing song and amazing musician!
Well, I won't back down
No, I won't back down
You can stand me up at the gates of hell
But I won't back down
No, I'll stand my ground, won't be turned around
And I'll keep this world from draggin' me down
Gonna stand my ground and I won't back down
(I won't back down)
Hey baby, there ain't no easy way out
(I won't back down)
Hey, I will stand my ground and I won't back down
Well, I know what's right, I got just one life
In a world that keeps on pushin' me around
But I'll stand my ground and I won't back down
(I won't back down)
Hey baby, there ain't no easy way out
(I won't back down)
Hey, I will stand my ground
(I won't back down)
And I won't back down
(I won't back down)
Hey baby, there ain't no easy way out
(I won't back down)
Hey, I won't back down
(I won't back down)
Hey baby, there ain't no easy way out
(I won't back down)
Hey, I will stand my ground
(I won't back down)
And I won't back down
(I won't back down)
No, I won't back down
Songwriters: Lynne, Jeff / Petty, Tom
There was another determination made by the doctor last week, it is one that I thought might be coming but until they actual said it I guess I could pretend that this all wasn't happening to a certain extent. I am really sad to say that I will not be going back to work at the beginning of May like originally planned once my maternity leave is up. After discussing with the doctor/nurse what my work environment is (hotel industry) they determined that the work environment would not be safe for my health or well-being at this time. It has been decided that I will be out of work for the next year so that I can complete all of my chemo treatments and any additional that may be added on and also possible radiation and additional surgeries needed to get me back to good working order. I know many of you must be thinking, "Alright, no work for a year that would be great!!". I get it, no one actually wants to work but in my case I had finally found a great job at a great place with some of the greatest people I have ever met and now that has all been pulled out from under me. It's not fair and I am sad and angry about it. The last year and half had been the most fulfilling time in my career that I have ever had, I worked under and with some very talented people in the hospitality industry here in Columbus and had and was learning so much to further my career. I am very appreciative that I was given the opportunity by two wonderful women who I look up to for so much in this industry, they gave me a great opportunity and I was able to expand my knowledge and talent working for them. I was also able to make some really great friends, this is the sad part of not working. I will not get to see their faces on a daily basis and just have that every day contact that I learned to love so much!! This is why I love these people so much!!!
I leave you with some words from an amazing song and amazing musician!
Well, I won't back down
No, I won't back down
You can stand me up at the gates of hell
But I won't back down
No, I'll stand my ground, won't be turned around
And I'll keep this world from draggin' me down
Gonna stand my ground and I won't back down
(I won't back down)
Hey baby, there ain't no easy way out
(I won't back down)
Hey, I will stand my ground and I won't back down
Well, I know what's right, I got just one life
In a world that keeps on pushin' me around
But I'll stand my ground and I won't back down
(I won't back down)
Hey baby, there ain't no easy way out
(I won't back down)
Hey, I will stand my ground
(I won't back down)
And I won't back down
(I won't back down)
Hey baby, there ain't no easy way out
(I won't back down)
Hey, I won't back down
(I won't back down)
Hey baby, there ain't no easy way out
(I won't back down)
Hey, I will stand my ground
(I won't back down)
And I won't back down
(I won't back down)
No, I won't back down
Songwriters: Lynne, Jeff / Petty, Tom
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